Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
