I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
