I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
