and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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