worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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