fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
