Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
