WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
