Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize