I CAN MOONWALK!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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