Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
