Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
