Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
