I just made out with a guy for $7.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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