So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
