I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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