Umm I'm too high to move.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
