note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
should my penis look like a turkey
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
