He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
