Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
