I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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