If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
