It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
