You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
