The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
