I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
