Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
