So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
