three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
