I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize