sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
