If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
