Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
