Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
