My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I want to be your penis for a week.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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