This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
