mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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