Just took my morning after pill in the library
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
