i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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