grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
