what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i love accidental penises.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
