I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
