so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
