she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
