I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my sisters under your porch take her home
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
