he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
