I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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