it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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