I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
