i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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