I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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