Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
