My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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