dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
