im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Congratulations! We have a period
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
