Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
