If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
