Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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