We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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