please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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