i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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