Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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