The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
