i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
