There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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