If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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