good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
