I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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