I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
