I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize