8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
