Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Come back. Shots need mouths.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
