There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
