How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
