she was so not down for the gang bang
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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