that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
