You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
