My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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