I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize