May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
