I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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