Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
