dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
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