I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize