That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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