OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
