I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
