So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
