Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
